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Feeling Numb, Nothing, Empty when Grieving
I think one of the hardest emotions for me to articulate was the feeling of nothing when it came to my grief. The following posts sort of express what it's like to feel numb and grieve. It was one of the harder emotions of grief I had to learn to accept because in a way it felt like I didn't care enough. Why wasn't I feeling anything?
Things to remind yourself if you feel numb:
This is a normal reaction to grief (per my many Google searches)
You still care. Even if you are numb, it doesn't have to mean you love or miss your loved one less.
Nothing is wrong with you. You don't have to pretend or force out different feelings of grief.
Maybe it's a coping mechanism for grief.
Feeling Numb While Grieving
With grief, at time I felt everything, but there were times I felt nothing. Numbness. Which may sound cold and heartless at first, but I think it was misunderstood. It was a coping mechanism I used. Grief was too much to handle, so I went numb. I'm not saying it's a good way to cope... and when those feelings came back it was like I'd open the floodgate. Overwhelming. It was just easier to go through the motions of life than to actually feel my grief. But I learned you can only feel numb for so long. Grief always finds a way back in.
Why Does Grief Feel Like A Blur?
Time was standing still, yet, the world was racing on around me. You are gone. Three words that still don't feel right to say. In my initial loss, my grief was a blur. From the moment we lost you to the final goodbyes. And even the days that followed... nothing felt real, yet all too real. I was aware in the moments, but it's all a blur in my head. It's just blended into the days you really were gone.
Sometimes Grief Just Feels Empty.
If I asked someone to describe grief, you'd often hear about the heartbreak, tears, triggers, and breakdowns. But do you also feel the emptiness? That moment when your tears stop... and you're alone at night... and you feel this pit of emptiness taking over. Sometimes the emptiness just grows, but you can't ever fill it or fix it... so you hide it. You go about the next day, until it's time to lay down again. And there it is again. Empty. And emptiness isn't something shared, so we grieve the emptiness alone. Which merges into the next feeling of grief, lonely.
I Stopped Crying, But I Was Still Grieving.
'It's good to see you are doing better." That's not what it meant though. I was still grieving, but to the world I was moving on and that hurt. I couldn't explain that this was still grief. Initial loss made sense. It was overwhelming, all consuming, and I cried. A lot. But I don't cry like I used to. I wake up everyday and I remember you're not here... but I don't always cry. And sometimes that doesn't even make sense to me. Grief is hard to explain, when you can't even understand it yourself. I stopped crying, but I was still grieving.
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